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January 3, 1956 11:00am - Wait, Antheads?

I woke up from a much needed sleep, and pondered my next move. I needed to track down the safe combination for that vault in the hospital basement, that way I could crack this rotten scheme wide open.

I don't usually take screenshots of low-content things like this, but this was too good to pass up. Apparently Brick just turned into a 19th century English noble.

It was Jackie, but something was different about her... Of course she had been in the hospital for her nerves. The hospital was also the nerve centre for the whole corrupt anthead scheme, but I'm sure that had to be unrelated.

Strange cravings - desperate for sugar? With something evil inside her trying to get out? Hey baby we used protection I ain't gonna' be no father just yet.

I let her inside and then something really weird happened.

It was just like with Billy-Bob!

"Jackie may be an ant, but she's still a cute ant..."

I shit you not, that's a direct quote.

Her left antenna twitched in that adorable little fashion, right up until the point when I shot it off. The other one came off easily too, with no fuss or mess.

"Not ol' Brick, Dollface. Start talkin'..."

Once more, dark, nameless powers bend my will...

It didn't bother me at all that I had seen her face just transform to and from that of an ants... I could still kiss her on the lips without wanting to throw up. Honest...

She then mentioned that the number 35 had been going through her head over and over. I wonder what it could mean.

I kissed her again, just to prove that the bile in my throat was unrelated to watching a hot doll like Jackie become a bug.

I got the feeling I was being used. And I liked it.

Okaaay. I don't even want to go into that. Why do I suspect that these country bumpkins are all just one big family? literally.

I headed to the ore plant anyway, since if it was the ants I needed to find out what was going on. I couldn't let them into the local industry.

When I got there the foreman was waiting around the gates.

"I got the feeling he was sizing me up, maybe for a coffin..."

Uh-oh, I wasn't going to get past without his co-operation. I made the first crude remark I could think of.

The game here gives you four options - "Sports Hunch A", "Sports Hunch B", "Crude Remark A", "Crude Remark B". Literally, just those four pieces of text. You don't find out what you say, but you get his reaction.

I couldn't remember exactly what I had said about Jackie. Presumably it had involved pincers, and he got the wrong idea. Either way, I was able to head to mine 3.

The miner that was there to meet me when I came speeding along in that little cart was as pale as a sheet.

"He looks shell-shocked... like my wingman over Korea just before he..."

"The sound is echoing around, coming in all directions... THERE IT IS!"

Fuck me! I closed my eyes and just shot wildly. I heard a couple of dull squishing sounds that sounded like I'd made contact with something. I opened my eyes nervously, expecting to see the miner dead with a slug in his head.

I was just in time to see the ant collapse. I'm not sure how I did it. I was trained as a flyboy! They never told us how to shoot these things.

That was going to be a problem in the very near future, because I could see a dozen ants heading my way, and there was no way I could pull off twelve lucky shots.

Lucky for me that I was an expert with these grenades that I carry around at all times.

I was able to easily take down the ants one at a time, each grenade ripping them apart like paper.

A couple tried to sneak up on me by climbing over the mining building, but I soon showed them.

After that, the fight went out of them and they folded just like those bastards during the war.

I guess they'd had enough. The rest of the column headed for the hills.

Yup, they didn't even change the battle ending text. In fact these battles are now utterly pointless since you don't get any evidence, and they're 100% the same as the original game.

These ants were getting more bold if they're willing to attack the mines. I went to the university to see if I could find out any more from Billy, since he was always hanging around that creepy place with his creepy dad.

Prepare for ham-handed exposition in a wall of text.

"The stolen plutonium trigger...!"

"How do you know ants from people without a scorecard?"

"I got nothin' to lose at this point, kid..."

.. but seriously. A Pez dispenser?

I had no idea what to think a this point. I mean all the nonsense about queen ants and everything seems to explain all that's been happening, but it doesn't seem to make much sense. It's like one of those bad monster movies!

No seriously. A Pez dispenser!?

Yes this is the explanation of everything.

The ants stole the plutonium from our truck before the game started, then somehow activated a second queen, who in turn activated some eggs, which somehow managed to get into the hospital basement, even though the nest was exploded before anyone knew where it was in the first game.

As if that wasn't enough the ants are now psychic ants and can control people.

No, I don't know either.

As I was driving back into town, I got stopped by the police. They dragged me out of my car, and sped away to the police station to haul me in front of the chief.

I wasn't sure what he was talking about, I didn't turn myself in.

In the game I went to the police station myself. I'm not sure how you're meant to know to do that, since you are a wanted criminal.

The police officers behind me smacked me on the head with their nightstick clubs and I was out like a light.

I woke up staring at the hottest nurse I'd seen this side of the Bay.

"Baby, you oughta be in pictures..."

Call me Brick, dollface. Brick'll do just fine.

"Dark, nameless powers bend my will..."

Yup, who didn't see that coming.

Are you sure this is hygienic, baby... ?

All I remember later was a lot of morphine, and the fact that she did wonderful things with a clipboard.

A little later...

Baby, that's just what I wanted to hear. I don't know why you think it has something to do with the A-Bomb, but I'll agree with anything you say right now.

I asked her about the patient records - that would be kept with the rest of the evidence I needed.

She was right, I had to escape!

A few minutes later and I was on a wheelchair, narrowly avoiding a guard.

I swore I'd be back though, to get that evidence. I just need to figure out what the combination for that vault is!

In the meantime though, I was gonna to steal this sweet set of wheels, and head home. I needed something to replace my car, since I suspected I wouldn't be gettin' it back. I might not be able to get quite the top speed on a wheel chair as I did in my car, but I could probably get a good 20mph or 30mph.

Next update: The final showdown!